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The Very Last Fucking of Steven Tyler
You were staring at all that remained of Steven Tyler: some bones and skin and feathered hair, held together by a complex arrangement of silk scarves. He was lying in bed waiting for you, his heart...
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Someone Please Have Sex With Perez Hilton
No was willing to have sex with Perez Hilton. I’m talking about no one. And I know what you’re thinking: “What about the homeless?” But no—apparently even they knew who he was and would have none of...
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We Circumvented The Remix
More and more it seems like the internet is getting closer to being the way I always wanted it to be. These are all things I wish I had written: A Filmgoer’s Guide to Bad Sex With Christian Bale- If...
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Prepare To Get [oRiFIcE]fReAk3d
Criss Angel is going to mindfreak you tonight. He promised. Maybe “mindfreak” isn’t the technical term. Buttfreak? Mouthfreak? WHO KNOWS! The night is young and a lot could happen. Here’s what his...
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You Keep Forgetting That You’re Dating Eva Mendes
Josh came over the other day to help you move some sheetrock. You’re redoing part of the basement, and it’s turned out to be a much bigger job than you were expecting. You probably should have just...
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What Loving Kim Kardashian Means
Kim Kardashian keeps wanting you to take your shirt off in public. What is the deal. It’s like a constant thing with her. Granted after two people have been dating for some time, a person is granted...
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